Life altering words came to us on May 19th, 2009. I, Renae King Anderson was diagnosed with an inoperable brain stem tumor. My family and friends are organizing a few events for us to help with medical and long term expenses. They ask me to write this myself due to the fact that I can write my testimony better than anyone. I am honored to do so and share. This is my story….
I am the one who always has the words to soothe and help others and here I am faced with a tumor! There were no words, just get in my car and get to my husband and boys where I could be surrounded by the only people I KNEW who would be just as shocked as myself! We looked over and over at the MRI/MRA and just kept staring at the images! I came home that night in just awe of the news and totally surrounded myself with of course GOOGLE and researched everything I could possibly find out about tumors! At the time I knew of no one with a tumor. During the same evening, I was talking to one of our best friends and was telling her how she knows I like to pray for specific things, people and names…and that my tumor needed a name so I could pray for “her”! I know this sounds far fetched but it is what I could see, and we sat on the phone laughing and cutting up over many names. Every night I take a lovely bubble bath that wash the day away, my ritual. I was running the water and pouring my bubbles in the bath, the name came to me “Bubbles”! I loved it, the picture of the tumor looks like a bubble, it fit and therefore she was named! I could pray her away and for God to give me a peace with Bubbles!
After being diagnosed, we visited a Neurosurgeon who said he was not going to operate, “he did not want to kill me“! He sent us to see the Oncologist here in Dothan and it was a horrible experience in the fact that it was a “CANCER CLINIC”. I have not even got use to the fact that I had a tumor before I had to go hear all about chemo and radiation. I came out of there with tears strolling down my face as to the future that I might be walking into. There options there were not to most optimistic either and at this point we were very discouraged.
Of course I started the procrastination process, most would say denial, people were giving me all these names, places, people who I needed to contact and research. I loved them all for the knowledge and information. I wrote down every name and contact and tried to make sure I had them in my notebook of “Brain Tumor/Cancer”. Yes, I started one. It did not matter to me at that time, our second oldest child was getting married and I DID NOT want this to be the dark cloud that hung over us. I wanted to eat and be married, enjoy this memory that would last me a lifetime! That is what we did! Two days after the wedding I would say came the meltdown and it came hard!! I just lost control and the roller coaster would not let me off. After several days of self wallowing I regained my composure, it took hours and hours of prayer. I woke up one morning unable to sleep, this driving force behind me and I prepared my pot of coffee, got the laptop, notebook with all the names and at 3:45 that Sunday morning God and I walked through each note and gathered my thoughts and I started my journey of search!
I was told by a wise man, that I should pick 5 hospitals, 3 that will not do the surgery due to the danger, one because they can not fit me in and one that will be the one!! NEVER in my life had ANYONE ever been on target!!! Three would not touch me, “they did not want to kill me”, one who I could send my records for review but they would be several months out before the review and then would have to consider it, and my 5th of all ones had this profile letter you had to fill out telling them about yourself, your family, your beliefs in life, goals, and etc…and I started filling the profile letter out and thought okay, done!! All 5 had received all records, scans and doctors notes. Now was the wait…and like I said above that is what we got. While in NYC for a consult, came the phone call from MD Anderson, my last letter and her name was Candy. She wanted us in Houston on Friday and that was the day we were traveling home. We made our appointment in Houston for the next Friday. Candy called many times while in NYC, making sure we were okay, telling me I was in going to be in a fight with my insurance for pre-existing and just prepare myself it is normal routine for this to happen and just keep the fight. She also told me that she decided to give my profile letter to the Neurosurgeon and wanted him to read it, to which he told Candy he could not wait to meet me, he felt like I was his “purpose”! From this moment on I was loving NY but ready to get home, reset and head to Houston. In that profile letter, at the end I wrote that I felt compelled by God that he would lead me to the right hospital, to the right doctor, where my purpose would be found. He read my letter AFTER he already excepted me as a patient!!
This is my testimony…
Almost 2 years ago in the hospital with a family member out of the blue the bible verse Psalms 46:10 appeared before me. At that time I had no clue, I just know that it consumed my life. I came home and I looked it up, studied and found magazines with this verse in it and would tear it out, I would travel and it be on a church signs, everywhere. “BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD”…I claimed that bible verse 2 years ago and have it saved in my heart, my life and in my soul. I have wrote and told friends before, the best part about faith is feeling it. Easier when you know it is there, harder when there are no options but to trust it. I have a strong belief in faith, peace and the roads that God paves for us. After the self wallowing, and words from friends from all over I started to realize that I had been praying for my purpose in this life. How am I going to impact someone else, the future of others. People who know me well, know I feel deeply and intensely, they know that when I get on a purpose driven I find it. So this tumor that I have is now our new adventure in life and that is how I have looked at it. As and adventure, a sense of humor, a way of telling others about my faith how God’s impact in my life has been INTENSE! Like I many times I have said that I love storms, because I love the clouds, the lightning and the calm afterwards. This is my stormy adventure that God has promised me a calm afterwards. I have to say, I have prayed so hard and where I am weak, there are so many people praying for us that when I get down, I FEEL the prayers that someone has said for me and I am off again!! WHAT A FEELING!! I try to remind myself that God never promises still waters, but God will not fail me before, during and after the storm. God wants us to learn from our journey, that is why he puts potholes, that extra little push to remind us not to get to comfortable in our lives and plans because he can throw that little extra something our way! This is my something, my adventure that I had to move off the road for, a Brain Tumor. The best and worst part about my tumor, is that the doctors tell us they are “pretty” sure it is benign, they now are not even sure what type it is, they have options it could be, 2 most probable. That is the best part, the worse part is that I have it in the worse place, the brain stem, the computer of our bodies, it controls everything! My two options, surgery and get what they can, leave a little behind so they DO NOT touch the brain stem and watch it every 3 months, or something goes wrong, and the worse case scenario is death, (they are some other options that can happen in the middle but none I care to be “kept” alive for) I am just being honest! These options are not like, “Beach or the Lake?” They told me there are 3 tumors that come through the door that they do not like to see and mine is in the top 3, I strive for the best they say! After an intense day of testing at MD Anderson, I was so anxious to meet the doctor and when he walked in the room, a calmness just came over me. Entered Dr. Daniel Cahill, and he shook our hands, and when he sat down, he patted my leg and ask me, “How does it feel meeting your purpose because it feels great meeting mine.” At THAT moment God was in the room and no matter what, he was in control. Every since that day, I have had a peace that over comes me. I told you I claimed that Bible verse almost 2 years ago, Dr Cahill thinks my tumor has been growing for 2 years at least!! Gives you chill bumps! STILL!…at that moment, all these times, all these little passages, all the same words wrote in my journal ALL the time…BE STILL AND KNOW I AM GOD has been revealed! I claimed it, I now have to KNOW it!! WOW!!! There is NO greater reason to know that along with praying for my purpose that he would reveal it to me like this. I have touched peoples lives by my strength, I have become devoted to a cause that I will stand strongly behind, I have friends old and new, current and past that have reach out to me beyond any measure of strength that I could have on my own!! GOD had this planned, he knew this LONG before me, he prepared this road, I just sat still enough to finally hear him! He is awesome!! Dr Cahill made it plain and simple for me that day in his office, he told me that he did not want to kill me either, but they were a CAN DO hospital and that they believe in miracles with every patient of whom they see, “Success rate is what he calls it”. When he told me, “If you die while I am operating on you, it will not be because I did something wrong, it will be because God called you home.” I felt this overwhelming compassion for this doctor who has a belief such as I and that God had found our purposes and WE are going to beat this!! My last impression of this man, he told us to call, and my sweet husband knows me best, and told them to call me because I would not do it…as Dr Daniel Cahill walked down the hall, I threw up my hand he threw up his and said out loud, “I do these surgeries on Monday’s…Monday is when I do them.”
I had to get a lot of personal affairs in order before the surgery which is October 19th, 2009...MONDAY! They scheduled it for the week before which is my 45th birthday. I told Patrick and he told me to reschedule it. In what most people would call morbid, I thought of it so profoundly, I thought if I should die, what a day…I would be going home on the day God brought me into this world!!! Patrick did not think the same way, he ask that we get to celebrate my 45th! So I chose the next one!! I have no fears about me and my faith. Yes I fear, because I do not want to leave behind a family or friends that I love dearly, in reality THIS is ONE of the options, I am not choosing it, I just prepare myself that it IS an option, I am not in control here, but God has given me a peace that I am going to be okay. I have to stand in my faith, BE STILL AND KNOW HE IS GOD!!!
This is my song….
Always on the Road to Life, be yourself, nothing compares to your own spirit, laughter, style or smile. No one compares to the integrity in ones own heart. Always be mindful of others feelings, and take pride and care of your own heart. Chose the roads your travel carefully, but always always allow for whimsy fun, good times, windows down, music playing, and unexpected opportunities. Pursue and achieve goals that mean something to your heart but touch others lives. Be mindful and proud of yourself and the dreams that you create. Changes are a good thing, meet them head on, be not afraid of them, they could lead you to new and exciting places and circumstances. ALWAYS keep courage in your back pocket so when you walk away facing everything, ANYTHING can be faced forward!! Leave room for error, because God created the wind, to wash over our souls, stand in the wind and feel it through you whole being and let him cleanse you until you feel his presence take over your being.
With ALL my love and with every compassionate thing I am…THANK YOU ALL for your support, your love, words and NEVER ending constant presence in our lives. Someone ask me the other day what could they do for me, I thought…pray for the doctors who operate, pray for my precious husband and boys who have to endure the wait. I am good, God has me in his hands.
Renae |
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05/26/09
Greetings in the name of the Lord:
Please allow me a few minutes of your time to tell you about a precious
little boy named Stephen Carnley. Stephen is the three-year old son
of Steve and Stacy Carnley of Elba. Diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy at
birth his life has been a roller coaster ride of doctor's visits and
lengthy hospital stays. Currently, he has been at Children's Hospital
in Mobile for over two weekly and is facing at least two more weeks
there. As a result of his illness, Stephen is unable to stand or walk
and has to be strapped in to his chair in order to sit up. His movements
are jerky and abrupt. He has little control over his voluntary muscle
movement. Since he cannot control his throat muscles, he has very limited
speech ability. He is unable to eat regular food, but until recently
he was able to have pureed food and liquids. A staple of his food supply
is a high calorie nutrient drink.
However, recently he began to aspirate food into his lungs and one of
the reasons for his recent stay at Children's is to have a permanent
feeding tube inserted. Stephen suffers from constant seizures, sometimes
numerous per hour. He has problems swallowing, and as a result he has
trouble controlling his saliva and has to be sectioned regularly. Because
he has such poor muscle control, he also has extreme difficulty coughing
up excess mucus. Stephen has severe asthma, and has had repeated episodes
of pneumonia. His immune system is compromised and he is at risk for
infections.
Stephen spends more time at Children's Hospital than he spends at home.
Recently, his family traveled to Birmingham to have a series of special
MRI's done to try to pinpoint with more accuracy the area of his problem.
Following these test the family received stunning news. Stephen has
Pelizaeus-Merzbacher Disease. This is a rare, progressive, degenerative
central nervous system disorder in which coordination, motor abilities,
and intellectual function deteriorate. There is no cure and the prognosis
is poor with progressive deterioration until death. During Stephen's
current stay at Children's he has had a device implanted in his brain
is unable to control his seizures. As soon as he recovers completely
from this surgery, plans are to install a permanent feeding tube. It
breaks my heart to realize that this precious child will never know
the joy of having an ice cream cone, pizza or any of the other staples
of childhood. Stephen requires around the clock care. His family is
not able to obtain the care of a private nurse, so most of his care
falls upon his mother and grandmother. His dad is employed with SunSouth
a John-Deere dealership, in Andalusia. Naturally, his mother is unable
to work outside the home. Steve, the dad, is a hard working young man
dedicated to church and committed to his family. They are also parents
to another son named Shawn who is 12 and in perfect health.
Stephen is on Medicaid but there are limits to what Medicaid will provide.
This family lives in a stone house with poor ventilation, inadequate
heating and cooling and only two bedrooms. This family is having severe
financial problems. Some months they have difficulty just meeting their
utilities, and car payments. There are things they need for Stephen
that Medicaid does not cover. They were recently advised they need a
top-notch air purifier and a special bed for Stephen which they cannot
afford.
I am not related to Steve and Stacy. I attend church with them at Praise
and Glory in New Brockton . I have witnessed their dedication to the
Lord, and to this precious child. I have walked in their shoes. My son
was born severely premature and I know just hand the hardships that
come with having a very sick child. The Lord has placed the news of
this family on my heart. It is my sincere hope that after reading this
letter, your heart will be touched also.
I am providing contact numbers so that if you decide you can
help this family in any way, you can obtain further information. lf
you would like to make a one-time donation, or if you would prefer to
do a fund-raiser. any way you choose to help would be so deeply appreciated.
Whatever you decide please put this family on your prayer list.
Thank you so much and may the Lord richly bless you.
Yours in Christ,
Shelia Beerenstrauch
Ladies Leader, Praise & Glory Worship
334-897-1154
Steve & Stacy Carnley
C/o Joan Dawkins (Grandmother)
334-897-3255
Dr. Paul A. Martens
Neurologist
3401 Medical Park Dr.
Building 3, Suite 205
Mobile, Alabama
251-660-5108 |
